“I WILL SET YOU ON MY BREATH,
SO YOU WILL BECOME MY LIFE”RUMI
My Journey Rumi's Garden
Every step of this mothering journey asks for presence, for a watering and pruning of sorts that is constant and also ever-evolving. This journey of being a mother invites us to humble ourselves, to plant our feet firmly on the ground and to tend what’s right here, right now.
Everything there is to learn can be found in this mothering moment. Our children are our teachers, inviting us to grow and stretch the boundaries of ourselves so that we may remember our connection to all life. We are the fruits of love and we are the bearers of love. One web, one circle, one garden.
My journey towards understanding this truth began in 2012 when I first set the intention to grow our family. After months of opening to conceive, we were left feeling defeated and at times, desperate. Wondering if we would ever be able to have a child of our own, we explored our options: fertility treatment, adoption, anything to fill our love into. Then, in an instant, my womb was filled with life. Rejoice! We celebrated, we smiled and then, in the next moment, we lost.
My first pregnancy was ectopic, planted in my left fallopian tube and requiring immediate removal. It was total devastation, an unearthing of my soul, a full throttle blow to my ego. I could not let go of the wanting, the grasping for this life that came and went so quickly. I allowed the story of pain and fear to define me and so, I suffered.
The months to come brought more sorrow with another pregnancy loss, a miscarriage and then the September 2012 flood that rocked our little town of Lyons, Colorado. Already feeling so far away from the dream of filling our home with new life, we were literally stranded from our house and our community for weeks, wondering what rebuilding would look like and praying for resurrection to come. In an effort to release and express my pain and the pain of my community, I found the courage to be honest with myself and so I wrote and finally made an raw expression of my pain and the wisdom that rose through it.
When we returned home to Lyons, we found out I was pregnant, our seed had been planted. 9 months and 72-hours of labor later, our flood baby, Rumi Eve landed earth side. In an instant our losses were transformed back into life.
As I held our baby in my arms and witnessed her take her first breaths, I thanked the pain of loss, the pain of contractions, the pain of push. In that moment, I understood that all of these pains were gifts, deepening my understanding of myself and forcing me to test the boundaries of my own strength so that I could show up for my daughter from a place of trust and surrender. These were the pains necessary to initiate me as her Mother.
Throughout my pregnancy I was able to use the tools I’ve accumulated through years of various training and practice. Being in my body allowed me to listen and learn how to support myself in becoming a Mother. This system of support I created for myself included an incredible team of midwifes and doulas who held me with such grace and compassion as I navigated my way through grief, fear, physical pain and oh so much joy! The energy and expertise of my care team inspired me to embark on my own journey to doula women through pregnancy, birth and postpartum.
The intention of Rumi’s Garden is to cultivate fertile ground for the exploration, expression and integration of all aspects of pregnancy and birth.
Welcome to Rumi’s Garden.